I forgot about tumblr.
I could say, ’ you don’t know me ’ but I don’t know me either. I am sure that you’re unsure of what I am thinking. How I think, and what I do to be okay. I know what you’re thinking though, because you tell me. Everyday. You think I’m nothing.
I hate a lot of people. I forgot that’s why I stay away from them. Not because they don’t like me, but because I fucking hate them. I hate their smell. I hate their look. I hate the sound of their voices. I don’t look forward to being around anyone. I hate when people look at me, even though I do a lot of stupid shit that gets looked at.
The sad part is, I can’t stand to be alone. I constantly think about the billions and trillions of people on this planet with me. The thought of being in a empty house makes me fear the dead things that will fill up the empty spaces. Dead silence. Empty.
memory #58601:
I was sitting in my room and was alone in the house. Even though I was alone, I could still hear her voice. Calling my name. I don’t want her to know me. I don’t want to have to answer the the voice calling that name. The sound of her voice makes me want to puke. I want to put everything in a trash bag and walk the streets til someone see’s me without a smile and decides to change my life. She was the reason I put sharp edges to my skin. I couldn’t just leave with a trash bag of things that didn’t even belong to me. She reminded me of how she paid for everything. She had total control of me. Everything I had to keep me alive. The sharp edges reminded me that my skin was mine. My blood was mine. She couldn’t stop me from doing things to myself. I was me. Fuck her.
I need to get the fuck out of here, but to somewhere safe. So I don’t die alone.
she hardly ever cries and when she does it reminds me of my childhood. how he would yell at her and make her feel like shit. so she would induce the shit pour onto us. with out even knowing that what she was doing was making me suicidal. i was already messed up from his abuse towards me also. I can remember being angry at her for letting him do those things, than being even more pissed for doing the same thing but in a verbal way. no wonder i was mad at her all the time. i hated her. she hated me. maybe at some time between then and now, i disappeared too often and now i’m not even human. i can’t blame everything on everyone else, but i will blame her for making it hard being here.
Have you ever hated someone so much just for smiling?
I want to bash every single tooth and make them choke on it.
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Singing and dancing in the kitchen. Watching it rain outside. Today is a good day. :)
It’s raining like war.
I had a dream that I was a bear. I lived on a side of the mountain with lots of path ways and tons of people hiked down that side of the mountain but I stayed unseen. Finally some kids trashed the place and I was so upset that I tore their trash up. The people blamed me for bringing the trash there and tearing it up. When I saw myself I was a baby bear. I was unsure about my color because I had brown and black. The people were judging me on if they should kill me or cage me in a zoo.
